Sunday, February 28, 2010

The Decision to Grow Up

Me as a baby. smiling babies are some of the happiest looking human beings on earth

I never signed up for growing up. But I guess it happened. I kinda hoped that maybe Peter Pan would sprinkle me with some fairy dust and I could stay in happy go lucky little kid land forever. I mean I still ask for crayons and a kids menu to color at restaurants! I would much rather go play at the park with a boy then have him take me to some overpriced fancy dancy restaurant. And if I could have nap time every single day, I totally would. Clearly, I am not made for the grown up world. But I guess life just isn't fair. Sometimes things are thrown at you that you just didn't want or expect. One day we all look up at the mirror and realize that we are older than we act. And then there are those other days we look in the mirror and realize we are adults who have to make adult decisions. Unfortunately, there is no single defining moment that decides your transition from adolescence to adult. There is no huge banner that reads: Welcome to Adulthood! Instead growing up is a process, a continual process that doesn't end when you turn 18 or 21 or ever really. There is that one saying that says, "Growing old isn't a choice. Growing up is." Although there is a lot of truth to this statement, there is a certain amount of falseness contained in it too. Because the truth of it is all of us have to put on our big boy or big girl pants at some point and suck it up. We all have to make grown up decisions. Ultimately, the only thing we can do is make these decisions with maturity,confidence, and a healthy dose of understanding. Most of these decisions boil down to choosing responsibility over fun. Ugh. What an innately boring word: responsibility. But that's what we do in grown up world, we choose responsibility. And when, everything is said and done, we are supposed to be happy that we chose long term happiness over immediate gratification.

Regards from a legal adult,

Miss M

P.S. I just want to say that I love all you readers out there! Yes, I love you. I truly do. Even if you are simply stopping by. :)

Thursday, February 25, 2010

do I?

you hold my heart
in your hand and
I let you.
thats how much
I care for you.
do I love you?
the question stands
awaiting my answer
but before I open
my mouth and
utter three words,
eight letters
your hand.
closes around my heart,
squeezing the syllables
out of me
I gasp and run away

Tuesday, February 23, 2010

Wait. But Don't Stop.

I filter the sunlight
through my lashes,
my feet bouncing
to the song in my head.
just to smile
even at the stranger
walkin with his eyes down,
but somehow I know:
it will all work out!
as an unknown exhilaration
beats in my heart
in time with the song.

Saturday, February 20, 2010

Just Haven't Met You Yet

My mom shared this with me on facebook, and I thought I would share with you too! I absolutely-lutely love it! I think these lines might just turn into my new mantra:

I Might Have To Wait
I'll Never Give Up
I Guess It's Half Timing
And The Other Half's Luck
Wherever You Are
Whenever It's Right
You Come Out Of Nowhere And Into My Life

So true. Don’t you agree? To me, this song doesn’t just give me a better perspective on love, but on life in general too. The truth is most things in life are half timing and half luck. I just wish I had a little bit more luck. I could really use it in the testing center. ha. I guess in the grand scheme of things one test, or even two tests, really don’t matter. What really matters is how you live each day, from moment to moment. Maybe the key to happiness isn’t found in what grade you get, or how good you look, or how big your house is. Maybe the key to happiness is simply the determination to be happy. So right now, today, I am determining to be happy. And with this newfound determination I face the world, knowing that I might have to wait but I’ll never give up.

Sending you some luck,

Miss M

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

Don't Just say No

The clouds grey
the air cold
should I stay?
Or should i?should I?
turn around.
a sign reads no U turn
it just makes me wanna,
wanna turn around
that much more
thats how much refusing me
just makes me want it more
so dont.
dont refuse me.

First Phone Post

So this is my first post from my phone! I just signed up for mobile cool is that? And the best part? It costs nothing. Nada. Free. Gratis. Technology these days is pretty much astounding.

Tuesday, February 16, 2010

For: YOU

My mom and I feeling on top of the Rock in NYC.

Hmmm. I feel as if I should write some grand thoughts on love or something akin to that since it was Valentine's this past weekend and I haven't written anything dedicated to the day of love yet. Instead of writing some profound thing about love and life and lessons, I'd like to share with you a poem I wrote when I was about 12 that I dedicated to my mother because of all she's done for me. But truly this poem goes out to everyone who helped make me who I am today. I think it makes a statement about love that even the most profound paragraph would have a hard time competing with.

For You
Love is like
a blanket,
You can
have it
give it
share it
I like to throw it to you
and if you catch it
don’t throw it back,
pass it to the next person.

I stitched this quilt
myself with
My hands
You gave me these hands.
I picked each cloth by hand
and made the colorful reams of fabric
Into something
Just like you,
made me
Into someone,
I love you.
thank you
For you

A belated Happy Valentine's Day to all of you out there! I hope you spent it with someone(or many people) you love. I love each and every one of its forms.

In case you have not had enough:

Love and kisses from,

Miss M

Thursday, February 11, 2010

Little Letters

These are just some of the people I love. My roomates outside of my home away from home.

Okay, okay. I know I promised more Valentine's gooeyness. But I thought this would be a cute way to express my love for some dear people in my life. I got the idea from rockstar diaries, if you haven't read it check out the blogs I follow.

Dear Sun:

Why are you always playing hide and seek with me? At least you decided to come out and shine for a little while in the afternoon today. That made me happy, but in the future you need to show your face more often.

Dear Boots:

Oh how I love the way you keep my feet warm in these cold winter months. Thank goodness Mom thought to send you to me.

Dear Testing Center:

I despise you. It's true. You are intimidating, you smell, and you make me cry.

Dear Soccer Ball:

I am sorry I don't play with you as much anymore. I wish I could but it's too cold and I have no time. I know: excuses, excuses.

Dear Jodi:

It's always good to talk to you. Listening is an acquired skill. And so is a good sense of humor. Well maybe that just comes naturally. Thanks for laughing with me(and sometimes at me).

Dear Toilet Paper:

Why do you run out so quickly? I swear I just changed your roll a couple hours ago. Maybe we should all use less of you.

Dear Ashton:

Your'e pretty. :) Pretty awesome. You always give the most comforting hugs. When I feel like I'm gonna cry I come find you.

Dear Family:

I can't wait to see you tommorrow. I didn't think my little body could miss you this much.

Dear Victoria:

I am so happy we are friends. Let's stay that way. It's fun to giggle with you. A lot. Thanks for letting your sunny disposition rub off on me.

Dear Boy:

I thought that since now we are all grown up you would stop acting like we are in 3rd grade. I guess I was wrong. I wish that day when you turn to me and realize how beautiful I am would hurry up and get here already.

Dear Vegetables:

I am sorry you don't taste better. I just don't like salad that much. Maybe you could be so kind and start tasting better, more like candy.

Dear Kristi:

All I need to say is I love you. Friend to friend. Please remember how beautiful, sassy, smart, and confident you are. Oh, and thanks for the free music. I really really like Backseat Goodbye.

Dear Sleep:

I am sorry I don't get enough of you. There's this thing called college that has been interfering lately. But I still love you just as much.

Dear Vending Machine:

Please please stop tempting me with those deliciously scrumptious Strawberry Shortcake ice cream bars. They are going straight to my hips.

Dear World:

Thanks for listening. I am glad I can send out my thoughts into your space without judgment.

Lots of love,

Miss M

Tuesday, February 9, 2010

The Hidden Magic of the 5th Floor

I have been studying for so long that most of my brain has been fried by all the physics I have been cramming up there. So, I am allowing myself a few minutes to sit and contemplate and blurb my thoughts out.
Definition: blurb(verb)-to spew forth random thoughts onto paper, or computer screen
So there’s this myth about the 5th floor of the BYU library that only attractive people come up here to study. So far two unattractive “people” and one attractive “person” have sat across from me today and I have now been here for 5 hours. Notice my use of quotes around people and person to denote the male sex…haha. Anyhow this elusive magic of the 5th floor being the place to meet people has completely escaped me. There are no “people” bugging me for my number or even flirting in the least bit. Maybe my powers to charm have faded significantly. I haven’t tried the come hither smile yet..but then again my version of that turns out to be a variation of a grimace. What makes a person attractive to another person anyway? There are so many different definitions of the word beautiful these days that it is hard to say. Besides, attraction between two people can happen with a significant lack of physical appeal. Seems to me either there is chemistry or there isn’t.
Hmm….maybe I can come up with some sort of theorization about the mystery of chemistry(ooh onomanopoeia).
I think chemistry occurs between people for one of two reasons:
A. You both think the other person is physically attractive(upon meeting you think: “hottie!”.
B. Two people spend an inordinate amount of time together. They talk a lot. They laugh a lot. In short, they become good friends. After spending time together they realize that the other person is actually more attractive than their original evaluation.
C. One person is in category A and the other person falls into category B, since the B person eventually comes around, they end up happy.
D. One person starts at category A and the other person falls into category E(see below) which leaves person A crying into their pillow every night, and person E with someone else.
E. This person looks at the other person, and thinks to themselves “well, there’s a face only a mother could love.”
So there’s my Theory of Attraction. Notice that it’s attraction, not love, which is an entirely different matter that is much more complicated. I realize it’s not flawless, and truthfully it’s probably much more theory than fact. How much you decide is the truth is up to you.

Monday, February 8, 2010

The Subject of Every Girl's Infatuation

Boys. Boys. Boys.
What more is there to say? All you need to add is an eye roll and the girl next to you on the bus understands exactly what you mean. At what point do they stop having cooties? Maybe it started happening in second grade or so, when the boy at the top of the slide pushed you down and you suddenly realized that you didn’t spontaneously combust at his touch. Or maybe it happened later, at lunch when he offered to share his chocolate pudding with you, and you let him. Either way, all of us broke down at some point and decided to let them in to our lives.
When we start getting older there is some mythical defining moment in which the boy becomes a man. But us girls know the secret: they never really grow up. And maybe, just maybe this is why we love them, because without them we would have no one to grow old with, no shoulder to cry on, and no threat of spontaneous combustion with one touch. The hard part is finding that one boy who makes you melt, and some of us will spend our whole lives searching for true love, while others will marry someone they knew since diapers. So we go through this tiresome, sometimes embarrassing, occasionally fun process of dating, testing out what we like, and what we don’t. It ends up being a lot like trying flavors in an ice cream parlor. Even though you may only get a sample spoonful, you know right then and there whether you like it or not. Some boys are like pistachio ice cream, it looks weird, even though it might taste good we never think to try it because, well, face it: it’s green. Others are like banana splits: they are every girl's fantasy, but maybe they end up being a little overrated or just too much. We try out all these flavors, and then it happens! We find the exact right one, the flavor that fits. The process of tasting and testing is over, and though we might end up with a lot of sample spoons in our hand, it’s all worth it for this one magical flavor.
True. This may be a very romantic notion. And I am a self-proclaimed romantic...stuffed full of Jane Austen and Charlotte Bronte, and raised on Chick Flicks. But I would like to believe in the concept of love, and heck who doesn't want to believe it?

Anyway, it's been two blog posts in one day...which hopefully isn't too much for you dear readers. However, I did cheat a little bit and wrote this quite a while ago. This will be my first installment of several on love, relationships, and all the other gooeyness that makes up Valentine's Day.

Hugs and Kisses to all!

Miss M

The Red Balloon

A balloon floating
High in the sky
the red balloon
tied to the black string
holding tightly to
the girl
She looks up
How thin the string is
How far the balloon is
She feels
strangly empty
crying inside
her heart cracks
Where did the girl go?
The one who smiles.
dives into life.
vivacity unmatched.
She looks up
and finds her.

Feel Free to interpret however you wish...but you would probably be surprised about the inspiration. Maybe I will reveal it if you bug me enough. Or since, at this point I know all of my followers in person, just ask me. ha...the advantages of being a new blogger I guess. I really should post more often. hmmm another thing to add to the ever growing list of Chinese New Year resolutions.


Miss M