Tuesday, March 30, 2010

The Power of Together

Hold my hand,
she said.
but I wanna run,
he said, Looking up.
We'll run together.
so they grabbed hands
and ran
faster farther
than either could have gone

Sunday, March 28, 2010

Nightmares and Headaches

head pounding
mind hurting
the constant thinking
leaves me reeling
if stuff and junk
was clearer,
maybe I could

Monday, March 22, 2010

Lost for words.

Words that cannot
this moment
that was yesterday.
lost on my tongue.
sunlight sitting in my hair
there We were
I closed my eyes.
It was too beautiful
to stare.
Warmth spread
through me
until I laughed
at the wonderment of it.
All of it.

Sunday, March 21, 2010

More on Sunshine

What is it about Sunshine? When it's sunny I can't help but be happy. Everything is brighter and more beautiful. It definitely gives you endorphins to soak up some Vitamin D every day. And we all know endorphins make people happy, and happy people just don't kill their husbands(reference to Legally Blonde). If I could pick an afternoon to relive everyday over and over like Bill Murray does in Groundhog Day, this afternoon would definitely be in the top place for the one I would pick. I am not saying that it was my favorite day out of all the many days I have lived in my relatively short life, I am just saying it’s pretty dang difficult to find any flaws in this day. It was that perfect. Future days of misery seem easier to face with this day in my memory. I can’t even adequately describe it. Trying to just leads me to sentences that can’t capture even half as amazing as this day was. All I can say is if you were there, you know exactly how wonderful it was. To bask in the sunshine and feel totally, absolutely, and completely happy is a feeling you just can’t describe properly. It is like trying to describe colors to a blind person, or music to a deaf person. I feel like this quote sums up this process of trying to describe happiness to a miserable person:
“Happiness is like peeing on yourself; everyone can see it, but only you can feel it.”
It may be a rather weird way of putting it, but if you think about it, it is absolutely true. Anyway, I hope these sunny days just keep coming and that I can spend them with people who are just as incredible as the friends I spent today with.

Love with all my heart,

Miss M

Friday, March 19, 2010

Sunshine and Smiles

Victoria and I decided to take advantage of the beautiful weather and soak up a little sun....I just wish the warm weather would stick around a little longer. It was so cold today that I actually had to wear a sweatshirt! Sweatshirts in March? Unheard of in California. Okay, maybe not. But still, it is sooo much warmer at home. I absolutely can't wait to go home for summer. I miss my family, my house, my bed, my mom's cooking, sleeping in late, the ocean, friends, driving around for no reason, and not having any schoolwork to worry about. I am beginning to forget how to love school, to simply enjoy learning. I am more than ready for a break. For now at least, I have the hope of more sunshine this week and the company of this wonderfully beautiful friend:

Thank goodness the sunshine gives us a reason to smile!!!

Monday, March 15, 2010

Boys With Girlfriends

Everyone wants what they can't have...right? I really like this song, and looked up the music video out of curiosity. Well, I think this music video is semi-hilarious. Everytime the guy's "girlfriend" popped up, I had to laugh. Wish every girlfriend looked like that because then the rest of us single ladies would start lookin pretty dang good. ha.

Saturday, March 13, 2010

Joga Bonito

So I just realized that I have never talked about soccer on this blog. Which is incredibly weird because it used to be my life. A little more than a year ago, my life was: eat, sleep, play soccer, repeat(with a little studying thrown in for more hectic-ness). Anyway, I loved it. I still do. But I no longer have time for it to be the focus of my life. My energy is no longer expended on the beautiful game of eleven versus eleven for a 45-45 game. Instead, my energy has started going to making my jeans not fit, to studying for stupid tests, to worrying about boys, to building lasting friendships. And yes, of course these things are important, and yes I absolutely love my life right now. But every now and then I get thinking and….sometimes, I feel like this giant hole has been left where soccer used to be. It was such a big part of my life that without it, I sometimes feel like I am missing a part of myself, one that I left behind when I became a college student.
Today, when we played our intramural game, it felt so good to touch the ball, to be a part of a team, to push a girl down because that ball was MINE(and it didn’t hurt that we won 3-1). I connected with that old passion, that old fire, and it felt wonderful. I wish I could live it, breath it, and step into my favorite version of myself everyday: the one that is one-quarter of an inch taller in cleats. When I step onto that field, I want to win so bad it hurts, I want to tear every opponent to pieces, and most of all I want to play beautifully. Joga Bonito. Play beautifully. This is the message I take from soccer into my world today. Because Joga Bonito doesn’t just apply to soccer, it applies to life. And if I can do that, if I can live beautifully, then I am truly living.

Good Game!

Miss M

Wednesday, March 10, 2010

Dance in the Rain

This has to be one of my favorite quotes ever, and I really want to live by it:

As we grow up, we learn that even the one person that wasn't supposed
to ever let us down, probably will. You'll have your heart broken and
you'll break others' hearts. You'll fight with your best friend or
maybe even fall in love with them, and you'll cry because time is
flying by. So take too many pictures, laugh too much, forgive freely,
and love like you've never been hurt. Life comes with no guarantees, no time outs, no second chances. you just have to live life to the
fullest, tell someone what they mean to you and tell someone off, speak out dance in the pouring rain, hold someone's hand, comfort a friend, fall asleep watching the sun come up, stay up late, be a flirt, and smile until your face hurts. Don't be afraid to take chances or fall in love and most of all, live in the moment because every second you spend angry or upset is a second of happiness you can never get back.

Monday, March 8, 2010

I Am that I Am.

I am
the unattainable
for some
comes as naturally
as breathing.
In. Out. Happy.
I think. I speak.
most important:
I exist
to do nothing
is still something
to be
be happy
that is the ultimate achievement.
I am.

Saturday, March 6, 2010

All dressed up. with nowhere to go.

Okay, so maybe I am not dressed up. Fine. I admit it: I am in my baggy sweat pants and an undershirt sitting at home, and far from dressed up. But I must admit I look good, or at least better than usual. It is just one of those days where my hair and makeup come together just right to make me a fine specimen of a woman. haha. Not to sound conceited, but I know I am beautiful. I was raised knowing it. My mother and my father raised me with the confidence to know who I am, and to know where I came from. They told me, “You are beautiful,” and despite their parental bias, I believed them. And so, as a product of this nurturing environment, I grew up loving myself. I realize that that may sound egotistical, but the truth is everyone needs to have a certain amount of self-love just to function. This concept of self-love has been discussed by many prominent physchologists, including Dr. Mary Pipher(who wrote Reviving Ophelia, the book that convinced me to be homeschooled). Without loving yourself, you really don't have the ability to truly love others. And I know for an absolute fact that I love others. I love my family. I love my friends. I love Jesus. And yes, I love you; the person reading this.
Now, without the nurturing environment that I grew up in, my confidence in myself has been tested. When you have the assurances of everyone around you, it is easy to be yourself, to believe in yourself. But like a little bird leaving the nest, I am testing my wings now. I guess I have discovered that I do like flying. But that doesn’t mean I don’t fall.
You know you love me.


Miss M

As a quick side note, here is one of my favorite quotes from one of my favorite books:

She personally thought that the only reason most girls put up with most boys was because they needed reassurance that they were pretty. That was one thing, maybe the only thing, Lena knew about herself without reassurance. –Sisterhood of Traveling Pants

Friday, March 5, 2010

Cuppy Cakes

I have had an epiphany of sorts. An epiphany that requires your feedback, my wonderful readers. I have officially decided to drop out of school to open cupcake shop. Forget any other career dreams or ambitions I have. Disregard all the work I have done to get this far. Why should I have to learn about the phospholipid bilayer or the sum of torque? I don’t need those things to make cupcakes. Cupcakes are simple. They don’t talk back, you hardly ever fail, and they almost always taste sweet in the end. Plus who doesn’t love a big, fluffy cupcake with just the right amount of frosting? I was privileged enough to taste one of these heavenly delights at the MOA cafĂ© today. If I had my own cupcake shop I could cater parties and weddings, or just stop the lovely passerby with some tempting delights.
I could call it “With Sprinkles on Top,” which of course would be written on cutesy pink cursive on a black overhanging sign outside my cutesy shop.
While I am on this entrepreneurial(which I spelled correctly on the first try)kick, I have an even better idea than an ordinary cupcake shop. What if instead of just selling cupcakes we sold….drum roll, please: couture lingerie. It would be like a Victoria’s Secret for the upper class, and those wanting higher quality lingerie. In the store, it would feel like a fairly ordinary lingerie store, except a little bit ritzier. And there would be employees walking around selling you cupcakes at the same time. Of course there would be a back area for those who just wanted to enjoy the cakes, without all the (bra) cups in the way. I would call it “Cakes.” natch.
What do you think? Would you invest in my business?

Sweetly yours,

Miss M

Thursday, March 4, 2010

Before Happily Ever After

Its that movie moment
right before
boy meets girl
the boy is too stupid
the girl is too ugly
both miserable
until they find
each other
It's the Hollywood equation
for perfect happiness.
I wonder
is it real?

Fresh Snow

The snow
delicately clings
to the tiny branches
of every tree
already melting
when I wake
peek out the window
the breathtaking beauty
has already faded
just like the feeling
of perfect ease
that had settled in me
all yesterday.

Deep Breaths and Giant Leaps

The smell of rain
breathe deep
wash away
the awful fear
and smell
of the most hated building here.
I tried to walk the line
but it was crooked
and there were places
I had to jump
I made my own way
without the comfort
of the line to guide me

Wednesday, March 3, 2010


I wrote this poem while I was listening to one of my favorite songs.

I own myself

Sitting here
enveloped by
my own silence.
l listen to
the chatterings,
and the voice in my ears,
singing a calming melody.
I try to realize
everything will be fine,
just out of grasp
that perfectly calm feeling,
instead my stomach tingles,
I listen to
my own silence
and somehow manage
to feel okay.
Go my own way.

Tuesday, March 2, 2010

When I grow up...

I probably won't meet a McSteamy but a girl can dream can't she?

So ever since I was little I have answered the question, "What do you wanna be when you grow up?" With a simple short answer: "Iwannabeadoctor." It rolls off my tongue so fast you would think they were some of my first words. I wrote about the experience of redefining this statement in all my college entrance essays. And although college entrance essays are probably not a typical place to go through the process of self-discovery, it's exactly what happened to me. Yes, it may seem like those essays are usually full of insincere BS that is stuffed with big, long, multisyllable words to make the entrance committess melt, but sometimes the process of writing about yourself can be enlightening.
Through these essays I realized a small but important distinction. Now, instead of “Iwannabeadoctor” I say: “I want to practice medicine.” Because practicing medicine is a lot more difficult, and a lot more important that getting your M.D. Practicing medicine means healing. Healing lives completely; on a physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual level. It means seeing patients as people, instead of cases. It means being compassionate enough to take the time to care for each person, to realize the potential you have to change lives.
So what does this mean for my future career? It means I have broadened the spectrum considerably. Doctors are not the only ones who practice medicine, I could end up being a public health official, a midwife, a physical therapist, a chiropractor, or a naturopath. In the end, it won’t really matter what I do, what matters is that I care.
I hope all this future talk isn't boring you all too much...it's just what's been on my mind lately.

Regards from a forward thinker,

Miss M