Cause Today I Don't Feel Like Doin Anything

Ummm, so maybe I feel like that everyday...It's a rainy grey day, the water pitter pats on the roof outside my window, and Jack Johnson singing about mango trees and banana pancakes plays in the background. I have had a very successful laid back day, with about 2 hours of shopping at Savers. Best store ever.
4 shirts, 1 sweater, 1 pair of jeans, a watch, and a gift for someone. All for just over 20 bucks.
Seriously? Seriously.
That's the way to shop on a college student budget on Memorial Day. Yay for being Mormon and Filipino, or in other words doubly cheap.
Plus I woke up to about 20 doormats outside our door, love notes, TP, and an invitation to brunch. The prank war begins!
And now for planning out the rest of my chillax day....I think I will build a fort with my best friend Leisie, make some mexican hot cocoa, and watch a movie in our new fort.
Maybe I will do some laundry so I feel somewhat productive.
But sometimes it is perfectly productive to take a break and be unproductive. Does that even make sense?


Playing Pretend


Step into the snow globe
perfect world of warmth and happiness,
float to the top and--
Drink the pink water.
Snuggle up and listen,
rain hitting the window outside.
Forget--
leave behind regret.
Set aside this day
to remember the home inside the soul.
Warmth, content,
no more contention
Let's shed convention!
wear our big shirts
and sing softly as we play.
To grow up is impossible
every day, we just get older,
but our hearts: they stay the same.
Hold my hand,
let's play pretend.

Waiting for Darcy

I am currently snuggled up in my little living room watching my favorite movie, piles of blankets on my lap and the rainy grey day unthreatening from my comfy couch. I love this story. It is perhaps, in my opinion, one of the greatest love stories of all time.
However, it has one fault. Mr. Darcy sets the standard for men far too high. Sure, he has his faults, but the bottom line is that he changes his ways for Elizabeth. In the end, he becomes the man she needs him to be. Until I see this miracle for myself, I have a difficult time believing that real men have this ability to change. The romantic fairytale world that these kinds of stories build give all of us girls too much hope. We end up believing that real world relationships can be like fairytale romances but without the fairytale setting. It doesn't work.
And still, knowing all this, I continue to believe that my Mr. Darcy is somewhere out there, waiting to meet me. One of these days I will come upon this dream man, handsome and conveniently rich. Until then, I will continue to read and reread Pride and Prejudice and nurture my unrealistic romantic notions. I just hope I don't have to deal with too many Wickhams before my Darcy comes along.

Candy Knowledge

Carrying the books
bundled like a small child
I sing softly
the years spread
before me now
like a patient etherized
upon a table
I heard that once
And knew not what it meant
Revelations often appear
at the oddest of times.
These books speak for me now.
Reading, I relive
all that could have been.
Set free the imagination
of that same Free Spirit
I once encountered
long ago.
Silently I scream:
Carpe Diem!

Romper

Broken pieces
lying under my bed
shattered and stolen
piece upon piece.
No longer haunting
my everyday existence,
yet still ever present
waiting in that locked box
for the day of total amnesia.
Neverending reminders--
scars battle hard
and aching.
Now sing
with the Triumph of
a fight hard won.
No more.

Do I?

My tears fall,
soul full
crying
From each beauty--
heartbreaking.
Each day, a gift of freedom
grace returns to unstretched legs.
A new chance to prove
the impossibilities wrong.
Dream again
hope fuller in my heart.
The butterfly that once rested
on my shoulder returns.
Rip the pages from my diary
hidden sadness extinguished.
Only the fire of true love burns now.
Pure and sweet
reach for the fruit,
finally conquering the simple.
Dare to eat a peach.

What about Everything?

I walked along this road, casual and carefree

and then I stopped to think. 

Where am I going?

Where does it lead?

And why have I not been asking these questions enough?

I think about time for fun

I think about time for play

And then I think about being done.

With no resume.

I am scared.

That everything will stop, and I won't be holding anything. 

Or anyone.

In search of some rest

in search of a break

from a life of tests, but something's always at stake.

Every spring, an ache starts in my chest.

It's a feeling that I can't quite explain, 

but I do know it tells me to run.

What about my life so far?

What about everything?

There are no answers, 

only thoughts that lead to new questions.