It was the sunset that saved me.

The way the colors
bled and ached
across the sky
matched my
ever-whirling body.
And on the left
the steep
snow-capped mountains
golden with light
and piercing
the ever blue
clear sky.
It was the sunset
that saved me.
Not your arms
or your insistent mouth.
Not your big laugh,
nor that earnest look
you have when
I babble on
for far too long.
This time--
it wasn't you.
It was this moment
I have carved
for myself
the smell of bacon
this grandma bench
and just the clear air
going
in. out.
breathe.
in. out.
just this for now.
solid below
and liquid above.
one day
there will be peace&sweet
stillness
for hours upon hours
For now all I have is the
precious few moments.
And yes,
the sunset that saved me.

All For Your Good

And when I have
arrived,
on this small plateau
the colors strike me
all at once
pierce my very
center
cause me to crumble
some might call
this pause
as hallowed as it is
for me,
infantile or distracted.
I choose
childlike awe
and
dumbstruck wonder.
It seems to all align,
for once.
the reflection of light
and the daily noisings
into one simple
beautiful Aria
sent from the heavens
the whole span of greatness
all works in harmony
in this single moment.
To top it off:
It's springtime.
And--
I have no urge to run.

Mantras

It's been a hard month. A growing month you might call it. And it's been just another opportunity to learn for me. I thought I would share some bits of wisdom I have collected from others:

You are not what ails you.


Health is whatever works and for as long.


Happiness is a choice.


Expect nothing. Live frugally on surprise.


If anything is standing in the way of your education, cast it aside.


To get what you want, you must know what you want.


You get what you get and you don't throw a fit.


If you want to know where your heart is, look where your mind goes when it wanders.


If you want to be wise, choose wise friends. 


And finally:


If you are truly not afraid of doing something, you will do it today. 


I have been repeating all of these things over and over to myself. But I must give credit where credit is due by saying that none of these are my own words.

A Letter to the Future

squishy mud
and melting mountains
wet black streets
and my own cold fingers
pressed to each other.
Please stop by for groceries while you're out.
And there's a list I have for you on the kitchen table:
1. Change light bulbs
2. Unclog the drain
3. Fix the step
I promise once
you hurry home
dinner will be ready
and your collar starched
for tomorrow.
If you could just drive a little faster.
I'm not terribly patient,
and the slow ticking of the clock,
solitary mug,
and unkissed lips,
they all sing for you.
Hurry home.


To the few readers out there:
It's been awhile. Months, now. But I am back. Full force and sharing again, I am back.

Yours truly,

Miss M

Overdue

It's been awhile. I feel the urge to share, to wear my heart on my sleeve and let the whole world see what I am going through. During times like these, I would not hesitate to cry on a bus, or sing in the grocery store, or burst into my apartment screaming but there are also those times I cling to my privacy. I enjoy the personal bubble I live in, and I let others exist in their own bubbles. Occasionally I write something worth reading, and feel prompted to share it. But to simply post it on this blog is not enough. The print is to small to contain the voice I harbor. My secret wish is for a small poetry cafe packed with people like me, who write to cope and read to feel. I have not found a place here like this. I think for now I will stick to my personal bubble.

Finish Line

The internal motivation, the driving force within all of us is the view of the finish line. Somehow, even with how sometimes I hate school, and how much I ache to run, and boys that are dumb, and the simple fact that life is hard I remember there is a goal in sight. There is this dream I have, one that has flashed across my mind as an idea, and unbreakable idea, over and over again, like lightning hitting the same place in the sand, it has now become a solid and real object, fixated in my mind as the finish line.
And from now on, whenever I feel discouraged or disheartened, whenever the testing center gets the best of me(which is bound to happen within the next week), I will reflect on this unbreakable idea and instead of weeping....I will leap!

Quote of the Day

When you're young the story is who am I? Who will I love? Or more importantly, more incessantly, who will love me? But as you grow older the story becomes witness, watching. Seeing each other for who you really are, can be, and will be.


--Brian Doyle, editor of Portland Magazine