All dressed up. with nowhere to go.

Okay, so maybe I am not dressed up. Fine. I admit it: I am in my baggy sweat pants and an undershirt sitting at home, and far from dressed up. But I must admit I look good, or at least better than usual. It is just one of those days where my hair and makeup come together just right to make me a fine specimen of a woman. haha. Not to sound conceited, but I know I am beautiful. I was raised knowing it. My mother and my father raised me with the confidence to know who I am, and to know where I came from. They told me, “You are beautiful,” and despite their parental bias, I believed them. And so, as a product of this nurturing environment, I grew up loving myself. I realize that that may sound egotistical, but the truth is everyone needs to have a certain amount of self-love just to function. This concept of self-love has been discussed by many prominent physchologists, including Dr. Mary Pipher(who wrote Reviving Ophelia, the book that convinced me to be homeschooled). Without loving yourself, you really don't have the ability to truly love others. And I know for an absolute fact that I love others. I love my family. I love my friends. I love Jesus. And yes, I love you; the person reading this.
Now, without the nurturing environment that I grew up in, my confidence in myself has been tested. When you have the assurances of everyone around you, it is easy to be yourself, to believe in yourself. But like a little bird leaving the nest, I am testing my wings now. I guess I have discovered that I do like flying. But that doesn’t mean I don’t fall.
You know you love me.

XOXO,

Miss M

As a quick side note, here is one of my favorite quotes from one of my favorite books:

She personally thought that the only reason most girls put up with most boys was because they needed reassurance that they were pretty. That was one thing, maybe the only thing, Lena knew about herself without reassurance. –Sisterhood of Traveling Pants

Cuppy Cakes

I have had an epiphany of sorts. An epiphany that requires your feedback, my wonderful readers. I have officially decided to drop out of school to open cupcake shop. Forget any other career dreams or ambitions I have. Disregard all the work I have done to get this far. Why should I have to learn about the phospholipid bilayer or the sum of torque? I don’t need those things to make cupcakes. Cupcakes are simple. They don’t talk back, you hardly ever fail, and they almost always taste sweet in the end. Plus who doesn’t love a big, fluffy cupcake with just the right amount of frosting? I was privileged enough to taste one of these heavenly delights at the MOA café today. If I had my own cupcake shop I could cater parties and weddings, or just stop the lovely passerby with some tempting delights.
I could call it “With Sprinkles on Top,” which of course would be written on cutesy pink cursive on a black overhanging sign outside my cutesy shop.
While I am on this entrepreneurial(which I spelled correctly on the first try)kick, I have an even better idea than an ordinary cupcake shop. What if instead of just selling cupcakes we sold….drum roll, please: couture lingerie. It would be like a Victoria’s Secret for the upper class, and those wanting higher quality lingerie. In the store, it would feel like a fairly ordinary lingerie store, except a little bit ritzier. And there would be employees walking around selling you cupcakes at the same time. Of course there would be a back area for those who just wanted to enjoy the cakes, without all the (bra) cups in the way. I would call it “Cakes.” natch.
What do you think? Would you invest in my business?

Sweetly yours,

Miss M

Before Happily Ever After

Its that movie moment
right before
boy meets girl
the boy is too stupid
the girl is too ugly
both miserable
until they find
each other
It's the Hollywood equation
for perfect happiness.
I wonder
is it real?

Fresh Snow

The snow
delicately clings
to the tiny branches
of every tree
already melting
when I wake
peek out the window
the breathtaking beauty
has already faded
just like the feeling
of perfect ease
that had settled in me
all yesterday.

Deep Breaths and Giant Leaps

The smell of rain
breathe deep
wash away
the awful fear
and smell
of the most hated building here.
I tried to walk the line
but it was crooked
and there were places
I had to jump
eventually
I made my own way
without the comfort
of the line to guide me

Listen

I wrote this poem while I was listening to one of my favorite songs.


I own myself

Sitting here
enveloped by
my own silence.
l listen to
the chatterings,
and the voice in my ears,
singing a calming melody.
I try to realize
everything will be fine,
just out of grasp
that perfectly calm feeling,
instead my stomach tingles,
I listen to
my own silence
and somehow manage
to feel okay.
Go my own way.

When I grow up...

I probably won't meet a McSteamy but a girl can dream can't she?


So ever since I was little I have answered the question, "What do you wanna be when you grow up?" With a simple short answer: "Iwannabeadoctor." It rolls off my tongue so fast you would think they were some of my first words. I wrote about the experience of redefining this statement in all my college entrance essays. And although college entrance essays are probably not a typical place to go through the process of self-discovery, it's exactly what happened to me. Yes, it may seem like those essays are usually full of insincere BS that is stuffed with big, long, multisyllable words to make the entrance committess melt, but sometimes the process of writing about yourself can be enlightening.
Through these essays I realized a small but important distinction. Now, instead of “Iwannabeadoctor” I say: “I want to practice medicine.” Because practicing medicine is a lot more difficult, and a lot more important that getting your M.D. Practicing medicine means healing. Healing lives completely; on a physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual level. It means seeing patients as people, instead of cases. It means being compassionate enough to take the time to care for each person, to realize the potential you have to change lives.
So what does this mean for my future career? It means I have broadened the spectrum considerably. Doctors are not the only ones who practice medicine, I could end up being a public health official, a midwife, a physical therapist, a chiropractor, or a naturopath. In the end, it won’t really matter what I do, what matters is that I care.
I hope all this future talk isn't boring you all too much...it's just what's been on my mind lately.

Regards from a forward thinker,

Miss M